Milkshakes and High Stakes

Hey there ‘Redheads… And welcome to any new readers who found their way here through my guest post on Arjewtino. Wipe your feet and try not to bust up the joint. This is why we can’t have nice things. A couple random cool things to cover in this installment, so allow me to whip out my extra large butter knife, so I may slather it on thick.

I my first road gig of ’08 over the weekend. Thanks to Dave, Tony, and the rest of the fine folk at the Funny Farm in Youngstown, Ohio for making it worth the trek up the PA turnpike. To help kill my Saturday, I took in a matinee at the local multiplex. It was a coin flip between No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood. Blood won the toss. I cannot recommend this movie enough. Daniel Day Lewis is a magnificent bastard. And yes, *spoiler* there is blood. See this movie…then thank me afterward. It contains my new favorite notable quotable. It won’t do it justice to type it out, so here it is…

I can’t stop saying it. It’d be nice to have a few people out there who knew what the hell I was talking about, so go check it out. It’s even cooler in context. When AFI puts out the new list of Top 100 Movie Quotes, that one better be on there.

Before I hit the road for Youngstown, I took in a show Thursday night at the DC Improv. Not only were two of my favorite local yokels, Jon Mumma and Herbie Gill, on the bill, but before the main show, the audience was treated to an impromptu feast courtesy of the Food Network show, Dinner: Impossible. Chef Robert Irvine was given an improv theme and had to put together a three course meal using 15 mystery ingredients, including ramen noodles and hot pockets, and using members of the DC Improv Comedy School as sous chefs. So the cameras were rolling whilst 250 other patrons and I served as guinea pigs for meals that may well have actually contained guinea pig. They were pretty damn delectable, especially a chicken breast stuffed with crawfish. I think I might’ve snuck on camera for a reaction shot, we’ll see when it airs. The coolest part of all, was the executive producer of the show…

It was a physical challenge to get this picture…

Marc Summers from DOUBLE DARE!! If you were in middle school when I was, that show was appointment viewing and you almost put yourself in traction practicing the physical challenges and training for that glorious day when you’d run the oozy obstacle course to capture the flags and win fabulous prizes…like school supplies. Ah, memories…

It’s all about being on TV in one way or another, isn’t it? It starts when we’re young with stuff like Double Dare, then you think you could be picked to live in a house with seven strangers, now there are so many goddamn reality shows out there, the dream is being realized by just about anyone whom light doesn’t bend around. Where is this going, Jared? Good question. Well, I’ve got a cool opportunity to be indirectly among the televised masses. I’ve qualified for a poker tournament that’ll be played Wednesday night. The top two finishers in that advance to a World Series of Poker charity tournament on Saturday. The winner of that gets a $10,000 buy-in to the WSOP Main Event in Vegas…which is covered by ESPN. I have a shot at a shot. I’ve got a lottery ticket and I get to fish around the ball hopper. My poker skills are on the better side of okay. I’ve been playing in free weekly tourneys for the past couple months against players much better than me and my dignity is still fairly intact. My big weakness is my poker face. I’m easier to read than the Cliff Notes to See Spot Run. It’s a chance, though. My fate isn’t up to some shady tv producer casting a show. I really want to take down a big pot in dramatic fashion, so I can bellow, “I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!! I DRINK IT UP!!” Seriously, go see There Will Be Blood.

I’ll keep you posted on the inevitable disappointment.

To be continued…

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