Shiva H. Vishnu

Hey there, ‘Redheads… The internet is a strange wonderful cornucopia stuffed with all kinds crazy crap… That metaphor kind of lost steam there, but trust me, the guys operating the “Batshit Crazy Video” chute at the Internet Factory have churned out a glorious nugget of awesome. Enjoy…

I, for one, welcome our new Indian overlords. It’s like someone took Blue Man Group, Jackass, and the cast of Slumdog Millionaire, put them in the Street Fight match between Shane McMahon and Kurt Angle at the 2001 King of the Ring (google it). The sheer terror on the female judge’s face looks like she got a glimpse of the Ark of the Covenant. Speaking of which, the only thing that would’ve made this video better is if this happened at the end…

Bravo, Internet… Bravo…

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Yub Nub

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Happy Star Wars Day to one and all. See, it’s May the 4th… May the 4th be with you… Get it? Sort of a Dork-o de Mayo. Celebrated in basements around the world. Dorks in brown bathrobes swatting at Death Star pinatas with a lightsaber. If you’re going to celebrate properly, remember to include a moment of silence for those lost on Alderaan. Or, if you favor the dark side, pour some Correlian Ale on the ground for the Imperial forces that perished on the Death Star…

Ok, here’s some fun obscure Star Wars stuff to quench your nerd thirst. Like Richard Pryor as the bartender in another intergalactic bar…

Or maybe a bad ass lightsaber fight is more your speed…

Or maybe you want to know what if Lucas had a French existentialist influence…

Remember, Han shot first and Jar Jar kicks puppies…

See you Thursday…

Friday Night Videos

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Another gorgeous day in DC-land. Ice cream men and women got themselves a bonus day to peddle popscicles if they were able to wake from their hibernation, wipe the sleep out of their eyes, and jump start the truck. Everyone was out and about today, test driving frisbees and letting children off their leashes to frolic. I hope you got your lazy butts outside and cleansed your insides with some fresh spring-like air. If you did, cherish it because in a matter of moments that fresh air is going to whip up 50+ mile per hour winds and try to forcibly take that breath back. I’d like to go a week without the weather forecast including something out of a biblical wrath story. Topper Shutt might as when grow a beard like Evan Almighty at this point. You’ve enjoyed the good, so now it’s time to hunker down and outlast the oncoming bad. To that end, for your viewing pleasure, and so I don’t have to type as much, I offer some shiny moving pictures to gawk at rather than twist in the wind…

I give you action…

I give you sarcasm…

And I give you kids saying the darndest things…

Are you not entertained? Then go fly a kite. Except tonight, the kite flies you. I don’t know what I’m talking about either. See you Monday.

Picks n’ Flicks

Hey there, ‘Redheads… It’s Friday, and my goal of consecutive daily posts, lackluster though they may be, has been met. I’ll take a break over the weekend and start back up on Monday. Still not sure if the week will fall into any kind of format moving forward, but it’s a start. I know, you don’t care, just type the funny. Ok then. Two things, then I’ve got a couple pieces of eye candy for you to suck on.

First, with the recent success of Ted Williams and his flood of job offers, I’ve decided to start writing all of my resumes on cardboard.

Second, the NFL playoffs kick off this weekend, so here are my picks for the wildcard round. I like the Seahawks over the defending SuperBowl champion Saints. You heard me. Outside of Reggie Bush, who’s three weeks back from a broken leg, the Saints don’t have any running backs. They just put Pierre Thomas and Chris Ivory on IR. Plus, the game is being played in Seattle, one of the loudest stadiums in the NFL. Also, my girlfriend is from Washington, so I kinda have to. I’ll take the Chiefs over the Ravens, mostly because I’m worried that the Ravens will succumb to whatever is killing all of these other birds around the world. Plus, I already picked the Chiefs for my rematch of SuperBowl I, so I gotta go with them. I’m in a quandary over the Jets/Colts game. I can’t stand the Colts, but I’d really like the Jets to lose, so the NY papers can make bad “Agony of De-Feet” puns about Rex Ryan’s foot fetish videos. Tie goes to the better joke, so I’ll take the Colts. Finally, in the Eagles/Packers game, I’m taking the cheese to stand alone. The Packers have the D to contain Vick, and this will be payback for when Vick came into Lambeau with the Falcons and handed Green Bay their first home playoff loss.

Here’s the eye candy I mentioned. First, the Ghostbusters trailer re-cut Inception style…

And here’s an uncle putting a whoopin’ on his nephew for acting like a thug on Facebook. The last line is classic…

See ya Monday…

Eye Candy

Hey there ‘Redheads… Peel your peepers and prepare to behold three massive doses of concentrated awesome. I recommend you take breaks in between each video. Your mind might begin to reject reality if you try to take them all in continuously. The rest of your day will look a lot less interesting by comparison. Enjoy…

Now go get some insulin.

To be continued…

Meh…

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Miss me? It’s been damn near two weeks since I was here last. As per usual, I have no good excuse for the blatant neglect, but I offer a half-hearted apology and a half-hearted blog entry, which adds up to some wholehearted mediocrity for ye. Try to contain yourselves. You’ll be happy to know that I’m making progress on being able to be in two places at once…if the two places are really close together. I’ve missed a bunch of holidays in my absence, so let me quickly (lazily) touch on a couple, through video…

PRESIDENT’S DAY

ASH WEDNESDAY

As you can see, I’ve put a ton of thought into this post. In no way is it just a lazy place marker. I could just go stream of consciousness and see how that works out. I saw what could be my favorite movie of the year yesterday. Do yourself a favor and shove this gem to the front of your Netflix queueueue. Black Dynamite. Two easy steps: 1) Watch Black Dynamite. 2) Thank me. In the words of the color commentator calling the USA/Canada hockey game, it’s “tremendously tremendous.” Please support that flick before you flush any of your hard earned cash away to see that atrocious hack piece of dreck Tracy Morgan movie, Cop Out. I realize I don’t have much of a leg to stand on making an argument like this, when this blog is currently craptacular.

Speaking of supporting quality entertainment, I’d like to let you know that I’ll be featuring at the DC Improv on April 1-3 for Ben Bailey, host of Cash Cab. Click the link for tix and info.

I promise to have a more focused entry for you as I emanate from Tobacco Road. I’ll be in Clayton, NC this Thurs-Sat at LOL Comedy Club. But you’ll be here. I’ll try to be in both places…

Everlasting Blogstopper

Hey there ‘RedheadsBlogust is just about over and, once again, I’m just about overdue. But, since we had a clog in the blog supply lines, there’s been a build-up of content…a bountiful corny-copia of anecdotes and witticisms await you. Sound the feasting horn. I’m just getting back to the grind after six straight days of shows and roughly 1300 miles driven.

I’ll get to that timeline in a bit, but first let’s wind the clock back 10 days to tell you about the show I did in Indian Head, MD with my good buddy, Chris White. I don’t know if you realize this, but Indian Head is a place of great historical significance. Maybe you read the book when you were a kid. Indian Head is where the sidewalk ends. There wasn’t much out there, except for the building excitement for the comedy cluster bomb we were about to drop.
We descended upon the Black Box Theater armed with good intentions and middling expectations. The place seated 85. We drew 23, elevating the show to rumor status. Those in attendance saw the premiere of our latest video sketch, which, if you’ll dim the lights at your desk, I’ll now show you. Enjoy The International Guilt-Off

Please to make us viral. Or at least bacterial. Make it worth a handi-wipe.

On to my week-long mild amusement tour of North Carolina. My trip was kicked off by my truck’s air conditioning compressor going kablooey, costing me roughly what I’d be making for the week. Good thing I don’t do this for the money…oh wait. With the repair done just in time for me to make the initial 6 hour schlep, I made my way to the first stop, Lake Norman. The show was above a fun little Irish pub called The Galway Hooker. Located directly across the street was a pole dancing school. There’s a recital I want to attend. I peeked in the window to take a gander…very clean mirrors. We had a surprisingly packed house for a Tuesday night. Good times. After the show, I got to talking to one of the hostesses at the bar downstairs. The conversation turned to future plans and she mentioned that her dream was to be an underwater welder. Add a midget playing bocce ball, and that would be an actual dream I once had. Apparently, underwater welding is a highly paid vocation. Probably because they know how to light a torch underwater. It makes me wish I had pursued that underwater basket weaving degree…to have a skill to fall back on.

Wednesday was a night off from the slate of shows, but I still wanted to be comedically productive. Luckily, my buddy John Betz Jr. lives in Raleigh and was able to to get me on a showcase he was headlining at Charlie Goodnight’s. When I got to Raleigh, I had some time to kill before meeting John at the club. Turns out, Goodnight’s is a stone’s throw from NC State, so I figured why not take a stroll through campus and see just how tough it is for a 33 year old to blend in. It’s back to school time, so there was a huge outdoor poster sale going on for the disaffected youth to adorn their dorms. I took a look at the selection. They were the same goddamn posters they sold when I was in college 12 years ago. Reservoir Dogs, Scarface, Pulp Fiction…don’t these kids have any cultural references of their own that’re worth slapping on a wall? After about a half hour of walking around in the heat, my ass crack became more of an ass creek, so I retreated to the car for an much needed blast of air conditioning. I scanned through the local radio stations and landed on a gospel station. They went to their station meteorologist for a weather report. I half expected him to say, “Whatever happens, it’s God’s will. Back to you.” It finally came time for the show, which was an open mic all stars show. A collection of the club’s finest regular local comics…and me. If you’ve never had the pleasure, do yourself a favor and get down to Goodnight’s. The Wednesday showcase was sold out and the crowd was amazing. Can’t wait to get back there.

After basking in the warm glow of Raleigh, it was off to Greenville for a show at the Comedy Zone. I’m a big fan of any place where you perform in the same location as your accommodations. It makes it easier to stumble to bed without risking injury. Good thing, because in Greenville I was introduced to sweet tea vodka. Holy crap, could I get into alot of trouble with that stuff. Not since somebody gave a baby a hand grenade has a combination been so dangerous. My one complaint about this trip through NC was the lack of sweet tea guzzling. The last time, with all the sweet tea I drank, I brought home a great souvenir of the trip…diabetes. The show went ok. A bit too much slack-jawed gawkery for my taste, but they can’t all be winners.

The rest of the trip went great. I’ve exhausted all the major tidbits, and I’m a smidge exhausted myself. Before I finish up, I’d like to unabashedly plug a few local shows I have coming up…

Friday, Aug. 28th – I’ll be making my return to the late night Bar Bacon Fun Time Comedy Show up in Baltimore. The line-up is pretty stacked… Andy Kline, Hampton Yount, Aparna Nacherla, and possibly Dr. Doom…you heard me.

Saturday, Aug. 29th

Sept. 13th – I’ll be opening up for the musical comedy duo, God’s Pottery, at DC9…more info to come, but mark your calendars accordingly.

To be continued…