The Thrill, the Agony, and the Indifference…

Hey there ‘Redheads… It’s been awhile, but let’s just assume the apology is implied and move on…ever forward. Breaking news on this Monday, the 20th as Mike Vick has plead guilty and now faces a bit of jail time. Here now are some of the hack Mike Vick jokes that you have to look forward to for the next 2 to 5 years…

He was known for being a quarterback in the NFL, but in jail he’ll be a tight end…
He got in trouble for killing dogs, now he’s going to be someone’s bitch…
When white folks kill a dog, they pay a vet to do it…they also drive cars and talk differently.

…aaaaaaand scene. Enough of that. When last I got around to filling this space, I was gearing up for a couple of contests. When it comes to comedy competitions, the world is my oyster…and boy, do I shuck. No win, place, or show. I’m over it now, but I was a smidge bummed after my performance at the HBO Comedy Fest contest at the DC Improv. I was flattered to be there at all, but I was hoping I could back up the selection with a solid outing. The set started out well but, somewhere in my 8 minutes, I lost the crowd. They stopped reacting with laughter and gave me more of an “oh, isn’t that cute” reaction. Those who saw it say it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of but, in my head, I might as well have been chowing down on a turd hoagie during the last half of my set. My mettle got smelted and I got frazzled, so there goes my latest attempt to get free HBO. A big congratulations to Chris White and Erin Jackson, who got picked to represent DC in the regionals.

I had to quench my thirst for winnable competition…I was parched. Luckily, I was able to find an arena where I could flex my brain meat and come out on top. Trivia. I went with some friends to compete in some team bar trivia at Solly’s on U St. In round one, our team, Made in China, tied for third. Respectable, but I wanted to do some neck stepping. Round two saw us take the top spot (we tied for first) and with it a bottle of red wine…the fermented grapes of victory. Here are some of the more impressive answers I was able to scoop out of my skull…

Q: In Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet, what are the ten syllables that follow “Wherefore art thou, Romeo”?
A: De-ny thy fa-ther and re-fuse thy name.

Q: In Beverly Hills Cop, what were the names of the two detectives who assist Axel Foley?
A: Taggart and Rosewood.

Q: In 1938, Roy Plunkett accidentally discovered this chemical compound with an extremely low coefficient of friction. Its scientific name is polytetrafluoroethylene. What is it more commonly known as?
A: Teflon.

I am smart. S-M-R-T.

And I’m an idea guy too. I came up with the next great disaster/action movie. In the not so distant future, an eccentric billionaire coverts a decommissioned aircraft carrier into the first floating sports arena. He somehow gets the SuperBowl in there. Mayhem ensues. Die Hard meets Titanic meets Rudy. It’ll be a can’t-miss-adrenaline-fueled-thrill-ride.

If you’re around northern New Jersey this weekend, come check me out at Banana’s. Should be fun. There’s very little on the line, so I shouldn’t tank.

To be continued…

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