Jackpotting

Hey there, ‘Redheads… The streak continues. Two days, two blogs. For now, it’s only coincidence. Tomorrow it’ll be a trend. Or, by tomorrow, I’ll be a mega-millionaire and washing down my Faberge egg omelet with Dom Perignon out of a Ming vase. That’s right, the Mega Millions jackpot is up to a whopping 330 million smackeroos. I’ve got five dollars worth of false hope that says I’ll be doing the Scrooge McDuck back stroke. How can I be so sure? Ancient Chinese secret. I’m playing my fortune cookie numbers. Numbers that have failed me in the past, but they were merely biding their time, waiting for the jackpot to reach a level where I can live comfortably once Uncle Sam takes his cut. Yesterday, I ate at an Asian fusion restaurant. It was just Asian food, but the place was nuclear powered. But I digress, because I can. It’s my blog. With a fortune like this, how can I fail?


The big question everyone is asking themselves is, “What will you do with the money?” For some, the answer is charity. For others, the answer is family. Not me. I’m going to buy an eye patch and hire some henchmen, because I’ve been itching to be someone’s arch nemesis and all I’ve lacked is the funding. If I do win the money, I’ll tell you one thing I won’t do. Play in a 3-4 defense. Albert was right, that’s for suckers. Until I’m catapulted to a higher tax bracket, I’ll stay huddled among the tired masses who feel the universe owes us a cosmic solid.

To be continued…

Advertisements