The Sincerest Form of Flattery

Hey there ‘Redheads… Happy 4th night of Hanukkah (or 5th, depending on when you read this). It’s the festival of lights, so I hope everyone is celebrating appropriately…by getting lit. With the incessant tide of yule blaring Xmas music just about everywhere you turn, I was pretty jazzed to stumble on this new take on a recent Hanukkah classic…

I think I’m going to pass on Adam Sandler’s cover of Sweet Caroline. Which brings me to the theme of this installment. I’m a big fan of movie remakes. The 2001 remake of the 1960 Ocean’s Eleven is one of my all time favorite flicks, as is the 2004 remake of 1978’s Dawn of the Dead. Each one classics in their own right. So, I’m not against remaking a film as an homage or giving it a needed update to fit the times. Now that I’ve gotten that small point out of the way, may I direct your attention to the following two movie trailers. The first is for 2007’s understated British black comedy, Death at a Funeral

And the next one is for the overstated black comedy, coming out in April 2010, Death at a Funeral

It’s the same movie. It’s the same premise, the same plot, the same gags, the same characters, and the same goddamn midget. Except, instead of understated British humor, you get to hear Tracy Morgan say, “DAAAAAAAAMN!” Nice to know that Hollywood has outsourced its script writing to Kinko’s. I’d like to announce my plans to remake Avatar, by turning the contrast knob about three clicks to the right.

Let’s move on to happier news. I got a great Hanukkah present on Sunday in the form of a new bouncing bundle of baby nephew…
Until his bris this weekend, he has no name, but I think I’m leaning toward Hanukkah Harry. I’m sure the parents will approve.

To be continued…

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Home For The Holidays

Hey there ‘Redheads… I hope everyone is having a very merry and a holly jolly. Since the last installment, things for me have been less than cheery. Thankfully, things are on the upswing and I no longer feel like someone has a voodoo doll of me with a pin stuck in the ass. If you’ll remember, my car got stolen last week. Well, the most recent dollop of sour cream on that shitburger is that the blower motor on my heating system went kaput on Tuesday night. If you’re keeping score (and I do), that’s the hassle of a stolen vehicle and the inconvenience and expense of having no heat during the coldest time of the year. Apparently, I have some exotic heating system that uses a motor that was first sketched out on DaVinci’s doodle pad…so that has to be special ordered. The repair company has top men working on it right now…top men. I’m subletting my apartment to a family of penguins until everything gets found and fixed. Where am I living in the meantime? Glad you asked…with my parents…in their guest bedroom…on a day bed. I’m lucky they live close. I don’t have to worry about a hotel and they don’t have to go far to nag me, so it works out for both parties. I’ve been eating better the last couple of days, too. I had Wheaties this morning. The breakfast of champions…somebody get me a trophy with a couch on it. So, like I said, things are looking up…from a long way down…things got a crick in their collective neck from trying to look up. I got the call on Tuesday that the cops found my car in DC. Something about it trying to throw its brake shoes at the President. It’s in a tow yard, awaiting the insurance adjuster to assess the damage. Again, since it’s the holidays, that won’t be ’til next week. Here’s hoping it’s not a burnt out husk when we finally do get to it. Who knows? Maybe it’ll have more stuff in it than when I left it…like last time. If you’ll refer to to the vehicular retrieval post from 3 years ago…

Well, I’m happy to report that all is not lost…not yet. The powers that be recovered my vehicle, with minor damage, in SE DC. Apparently, it was involved in a robbery, then the assailants were nabbed and the perps realized there’s no reset button in the real-life version of Grand Theft Auto. I couldn’t believe my Jeep was involved in a robbery… I mean, you think you know a car. It’s out of my sight for a couple of hours and it turns into Patty Hearst. Alot of the machinery I own have criminal tendencies. My PC is constantly performing “illegal operations”…dealing heroin out of the hard drive.

So, I went to investigate the damage to the Jeep. The ignition: gone…well, not so much gone, but in the cup holder. There was also minimal damage to the driver’s side door, where they used the hobo’s skeleton key, a screwdriver. When I inventoried the contents of the vehicle, I found that, not only did they not take anything…they left a bunch of stuff. A pile of CD’s, a couple packs of children’s pajamas, and a Batman playset. I’m petitioning to add this as a Hanukkah Miracle, but the Torah revisionists haven’t gotten back to me yet. Armed with this evidence, I’ve put together a profile of the ruffian who took my car. I was jacked by a narcoleptic toddler with a hero complex and a burnt out subscription to Columbia House.

On the good side, I’ve had two stellar shows in the past four days. The first was on Sunday at The Birchmere, helping Good For The Jews kick off their “Putting the Ha in Hanukkah” tour. I had a very nervous stomach before that show. The guys did a fine job hiding their disgust while my gut was riffing backstage. My insides sounded like a drunk didgeridoo player. Not sure if it was nerves or if I carry stress in my duodenum, but it was not welcome as I was going over my material before the show. Big thanks to GFTJ and the fine folks at The Birchmere for having me.

The second show was on Christmas Eve at Magooby’s Joke House. It was billed as Comedy with Lobster Sauce, four Jewish comics, an all-Jew-can-eat Chinese food buffet, and an open bar…the menorah wasn’t the only thing getting lit that night. The inflatable dreidel hung from the ceiling with care, with hopes that our jokes would get more than a stare. I was joined by newcomer Dave Madow, Andy Kline (who looks Jewish, but isn’t), and Marc Unger. The place was packed and the crowd was surprisingly non-judgy. Good times.

I’ll squeeze another installment in before ’08 fizzles out…’til then.