Cold Hearted

Hey there ‘Redheads… This one is just a quickie to vent a little and take care of a few odds and ends. Let me start with the good news. I got my truck back. It’s fixed and shiny and all that other good stuff. One of the pluses of having it stolen and repaired is the spiffy scrub job that it got. And believe me, it was dirty when they found it…it didn’t just feel dirty because it had been stolen. I don’t remember if I told you guys or not, but the perp took it four wheeling. It looked like a Jackson Pollock during his mud and shit phase. I keep going back, in my head, to the scene in Ferris Beuller’s Day Off, when the parking attendant went joy riding in the Ferrari. Other than the mud bath, there wasn’t much other major damage to it. Just a busted window and a popped ignition. Steps are being taken to ensure that it stays in my possession. For starters, I’m getting a club. I’m also looking into the cost of hiring a ninja or other sundry henchpeople to beat potential car thieves about the head, neck, and chest with the club. Times are tough, and henching is an easy way to earn some extra income.

And now, the bad news. When I got home in my shiny car, I discovered that the heating system in my apartment took a shit…again. So, after spending a bunch to repair it, it looks like I’m going to have to replace it barely a month later. Good thing revenge is a dish best served cold. Revenge and gazpacho. So, yeah…it sucks bunches.

Speaking of bad news, and revenge, the world lost yet another pop culture icon with the passing of Ricardo Montalban. Sure, he’ll be remembered for Fantasy Island but, for scads of dorks around the world, he will always be Khan. He and Shatner chew more scenery than a swarm of termites on the Warner Bros. back lot. Here’s a sample…

Ricardo, may your place in heaven be clad in fine Corinthian leather. Quienes mas macho? Nobody.

In the last installment, I mentioned that I test drove some new material, but I neglected to actually include the joke. Here ya go…

I think that selling hair color called Touch of Gray is like selling condoms called Smidge of Herpes.

Also, please remember to check out my fan page on Facebook and pledge you digital devotion to me…you can find a handy dandy link on the top right-hand side of the blog. I’ll warm myself with the faint glow of the screen.

To be continued…

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