Storm of Brain

Hey there ‘Redheads… Welcome back to Blogust… And welcome to any new readers who found me through DCBlogs.com. Apparently, the last installment got picked up on their feed because they deemed mini-golf, dinosaurs, and large blocks of styrofoam to be awesome. I won’t argue with good taste.

I meant to squeeze another installment into July, but the power outage from that apocalyptic storm we had tear through here last week threw a flying monkey wrench into my plans. It’s tough to blog from Amish country. At one point, I removed the buttons from my remote control because they were too proud. Not only did I lose power for the better part of three days, but the jolt that knocked out the power also blew out the motor on my refrigerator. When the lights finally did come back on, I was greeted by a stench that could’ve knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon. All the food I had in there was more spoiled than Paris Hilton’s chihuahua. So, in order to prevent a hazmat team from quarantining my condo, I double bagged a hefty, put on some gloves, and dug a mass grave for all of my perished perishables. I’m pretty sure I heard a voice say, “Zuul”. By the way, a great name for a band: Hot Dairy. They’d be a funk band, of course. I realize that all this was a minor inconvenience compared to some of the actual catastrophe that was wrought by this swift but powerful storm. I could’ve lived here…Luckily, the family that lived here was on vacation at the time. Good thing they’re used to hotel living. Yeesh. What is up with the weather around here? It’s calmed down in the last couple of days, but we went through a stretch where it was 112 in the shade, then there was an earthquake, then a storm that’s like a tornado fucked a hurricane hits from out of nowhere. Would you be surprised by locusts at this point? Because I wouldn’t be. God must’ve gotten a parking ticket in Bethesda or something.

After dealing with all of that mess, I welcomed a weekend performing at one of my favorite clubs, the Baltimore Comedy Factory. Charm City is always good to me and this slate of shows was no exception. Big thanks to Cara and the crackerjack staff for they do to make a shlub like me feel at home. I got a chance to work with the very funny Drew Fraser. It was fun to watch him work because our vocal styles are so different. Stand-up comedy is alot like surfing. Instead of water, we ride waves of laughter that ripple out from the main joke with tag lines and vocal cues. With each wave, you try to add something that’ll keep the ripples flowing. Drew creates a tsunami with screaming. I’ve not heard a comic that loud since Sam Kinison. He conducted a cacophonous symphony that was fun to watch, if a little painful to listen to. The audience was gasping for breath at one point. Another fun side note to the weekend was that Otakon, the anime convention, was in town, so I got to see socially awkward types with patchy facial hair dressed like Link from Legend of Zelda mingle with the usual freaks that roam Baltimore’s streets. It was an odd cross section of humanity.

I’ll leave you with this fun little ditty…

If you’re not giggling, you’re not human.

To be continued…

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Blogustus Gloop

Hey there ‘Redheads… Welcome to Blogust. Where I once again sacrifice quality for quantity so that you can have more digital fat to chew on. Just a couple nuggets for you.

First, an update from the last installment. I’ll be a part of the Top Shelf festivities on Thursday, the 7th. The comedy marathon starts at 7:00. I’ll be going on somewhere between 9 and 10:30. It’s only $5 for a a massive evening of comedy. You’ll see some of the finest comics in DC and beyond…and I’ll be loitering around those comics. If you can’t make it on Thursday, then come on down for equally impressive line-ups in both talent and scope on Friday and Saturday. It all goes down at Solly’s U St. Tavern, courtesy of the folks at DCComedy4Now. Think of it as the $5 foot-long of comedy…chow down.

When a bird dies, and he goes to birdie heaven, and becomes a birdie angel, does it get arms? This is the kind of crap you get when I’m desperate to fill space.

Bennigan’s is closing. The yard sales in front of those places are going to kick some serious ass. Looking for a trombone, a sled, or an old-timey barber’s pole? When they strip the walls at Bennigan’s, they’ll probably find the Ark of the Covenant. I give you now, the description of one of the deadliest burgers I ever ate at a Bennigan’s…The Wheelhouse…

A juicy, mouth-watering burger topped with a savory fried cheese wheel, fresh parmesan cheese, and zesty marinara sauce.

If you finish it before your heart stops, it’s FREE. Bennigan’s, we hardly knew ye…

To be continued…