The Dork Side

Hey there ‘Redheads… This week has been a doozy. While the mainstream media has been saturated by coverage of the Virginia Tech tragedy, hopefully this installment can provide some happy distraction. It sucks that it takes such a horrible event to shake us out of our infotainment daze and put things into perspective. Suddenly, Imus and Anna Nicole aren’t that important or significant, are they? Last week, a member of the Rutgers women’s basketball team was quoted as saying that she was “scarred for life” because she and her team were called a name. I’d like to hear her say that now. Anyway, on to the distraction…

A very big thank you to Chip, Pete, the crackerjack staff of the Baltimore Comedy Factory, and all of the Charm City folk for an amazing weekend. I had the pleasure of working with Canadian spitfire (emphasis on “spit”), Nikki Payne. You may remember her from the most recent season of Last Comic Standing. She was the gal with the lisp that made Sylvester the Cat sound like James Earl Jones. Not only was she very cool and very funny, but she did something on the Saturday early show that earned her some big time points in my book. We had some technical difficulties, to put it mildly, resulting in the mic completely cutting out about two minutes into her set. While the sound guy was manically scrambling around like Beaker in that Muppet Labs sketch where Bunson dips him in honey and covers him in fire ants (classic), Nikki was left on stage without any amplification…a precarious situation in a room that likes to talk back. But, the show must go on and so did she, making the absolute best out of an immensely crappy situation and giving the crowd 45 minutes of a capella hilarity. Much respect. After the sound was restored, the rest of the night went swimmingly. On the next show, I was approached by a young lady who was with a large birthday party that had 3 guys all celebrating their 30th. She wanted to know if I could, “make fun of them or work it into my act.” As the host, it’s part of my duties to be accommodating to these requests. It was mad easier by the fact that one of the guys was sporting a haircut that made him look like a cross between Kenny G and a wet labradoodle. Anywho, once the easy route was exhausted, I came up with a joke about turning 30, which I will share with you now…*ahem*…

30 is the point when you start to feel the age gap start to widen. You’re checking out the Playboy centerfold, you take a look at the birthdays and start doing math… “Let’s see, when I was in high school, she was…three.”

Well, they enjoyed it anyway…

I’d like to share my current obsession with you. Lightsabers. Wielding one…or making it look like I am. Apparently, it’s pretty easy to do. Check out what these Wannabe-Kenobis did…

Anyone else game? No? I find your lack of faith disturbing…

Well, if you’d prefer to watch me use farce instead of force, I recommend coming to the Arlington Drafthouse this weekend. I’ll be hosting shows on Friday and Saturday night with fellow DC funny man, Sean Gabbert and Paul F. Tompkins from Mr. Show, Tenacious D, and VH1’s Best Week Ever. We promise to joke if you promise to laugh.

To be continued…

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