Blog Friday

Hey there, ‘Redheads… I’ve got no good excuse for not updating this thing for five months. So, in order to reward you for your zen-like patience and to put an end to my zen-like neglect, here’s a meager entry to hopefully get me back in your good to mediocre graces and back into some kind of blogroove for the homestretch of 2011.

I hope everyone had a Thanksgiving that left you plump and docile, unable to defend yourself in case of a ravenous zombie or alien attack. Ever vigilant, people. After getting home from the live human taxidermy demonstration of a meal we had at my parents’ house, I thought my night of consumption was done. Then my girlfriend dragged me out of my tryptophan haze to go spectate the running of the bullshit. People waiting in line to crash through the doors of Best Buy or Target or Eddie’s Bail Bonds for all of the great Black Friday deals. She loves the pageantry. So, I was forced to put on pants and go root for a trampling.

I’d like to interrupt this blog for visual proof of how awesome my girlfriend is…As I’m sitting here, typing words for your (mostly my) amusement, my awesome girlfriend brought me this masterpiece. A leftover turkey and egg sandwich with hot sauce on Darth Vader toast cut into the shape of the Millennium Falcon. Yes, I’m five. Ok, back to the blog already in progress…

The sight was pretty insane as we approached Best Buy with t-minus 5 minutes left before someone answered the Geek Squad’s riddle and the gates magically opened. The line stretched for as far as the sleepy eye could see. We stood across the parking lot from the entrance with other eager gawkers, who were not from here apparently. They sang soccer cheers as they waited. I could just imagine what they must’ve been thinking as they looked at these people ready to run over their fellow man for every American’s God-given right, a bigger TV. It was probably, “Remember when we used to stand in lines like this for food? Or to be killed? Good times.” Or maybe it was, “In our country, door busts you!” Anyone remember when a doorbuster deal was just called looting?

As the midnight hour drew closer, and I was looking at these idiots who look like they arrived too late to be in Jerry Springer’s studio audience, I was struck by the words of Obi Wan Kenobi, “Who’s the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?” America’s renewable energy = stupid. When the doors finally opened, we were crestfallen with how orderly everything went. Not even a simple shove. These were obviously not deals worth dying for. I wanted my money back, which I could’ve gotten with the coupon in the circular.

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