Sam Are I

Hey there ‘Redheads… I apologize if this post is a bit scattershot. My brain is still slightly scrambled by reaching a new plateau of mental mastery. I can add a new title to my business card: Puzzle Samurai.

Aristotle was a fag…

This puzzle was made even harder because I had to fill it out with a katana dipped in ink…in untrained hands, it’ll cut a Washington Post into birdcage lining.

Now, THIS is a Sharpie…

Ok, enough with the flashy pictures. You came here to read…why, I have no idea. If there’s one thing this Samurai can admire, it’s commitment. For example:

UNIONTOWN, PAA man threw a microwave at his girlfriend, then fatally beat her after she refused to heat up sandwiches, police said.

When I’m blinded by rage at the thought of a lukewarm hotpocket, I rarely have the energy to lift or throw heavy appliances with any accuracy. This guy showed follow-thru…and a great sense of irony. Instead of getting up off his own lazy ass to press the REHEAT button, he goes through the time and trouble to heave the microwave, a symbol of ultimate convenience, across the room. It’s like rain on your wedding day, people.

I hope everyone had a Samuriffic holiday weekend. Whether you ate brisket or honey baked ham, searched for afikoman or Easter eggs, and got stood up by Elijah or Jesus (…again), we all had one thing in common: food comas. I partook in the former of the choices mentioned, as my family and I recounted the common theme of the Jewish holidays… They tried to kill us. They didn’t. Let’s eat. Besides munching on corrugated cardboard and guzzling Maneschevitz like a pledge during hell week, we sing songs to help tell the story of our ancestor’s Egyptian work furlough. Here’s a great Passover song about the 10 plagues that God visited on the Egyptian people…sing along, won’t you?

Sorry this installment was more fluff than actual stuff…I’m feeling kinda lazy…I could use a hotpocket. NOW!

To be continued…

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